But available for an up-charge……
Tonight’s post is for the ladies. Well, that and the guys like me who rule our home with an iron fist and a June Cleaver-esque frilly apron from Anthropologie over an awesome pair of wonderfully fitted 7-even jeans. Disclaimer: Yes I own a frilly apron from Anthropology (Seriously I only go in there for the vintage dishes… and of course my once a year drag get up for Halloween) and Yes, I love 7-even jeans for the simple fact that everything fits the way it should and that means without seeing the waistband of my high priced underwear (Guys – I assumed they were Calvin Klein to begin with but I really don’t need to see the band to know… reminds me of that Brendan Frazier moment in Blast from the Past in which he asked hot-esque ex-boyfriend why he was wearing someone else’s underpants. Soooo brings back memories. Nevermind). By the way, it’s Sunday…on a holiday weekend, which means this post is not completely professional.
ANYWAY…. I swear you should know by now how bad I am at staying focu… SQUIRREL!
OK so really, back to the ladies (and my other housewife brethren). I love furniture. I’m pretty sure that since you’re reading this blog that there is a good chance you love furniture too. And if you’ve really been paying attention to my rants (Pop Quiz… what makes me bitchy again?) then you know that I like ’em a little green (and I don’t mean Benjamin Moore #2034-40… that’s Cedar Green to us designers). But our house already looks like a storage facility for French hoarders and my other half is still questioning why I want an Eero Saarinen 72″ Tulip Dining Table with the “please lay on me naked” white marble top when we have a perfectly good dark wood table that we bought for our last house and just doesn’t quite work with the new decor (or the decor that is new this week…..). The result is that getting a new piece of furniture takes either an act of Congress (we know how that is working out right now) or a favor. Kneepads… favor… ladies you know what I’m saying.
To be stereotypical, what do men like? Or at least my man, the one who disappears when ESPN sends him a text? SPORTS. Epiphany! How do you get a new piece of furniture into the house without the annoying rug burns? Incorporate a sports theme! I know, Shut up! Even better… you don’t have to plaster NASCAR (personally I like Forumla 1 … hello Monaco Grand Prix!) or some uncoordinated sports team color combo (Orange + Green didn’t work the first time around) to get just what you want.
My gift to you ladies…. three REAL pieces of furniture that incorporate the best of both worlds. You know, your need (yes it’s a need… like diamonds. We CAN’T live without diamonds) for something that doesn’t scream out “pre-marriage bachelor pad” AND his incessant desire to be surrounded by high school locker room memories (or that one of the Hail Mary pass he threw when it was 23 to 22 and there were 10 seconds on the clock and…. ).
Numero Uno – Baseline Cabinet by Søren Rose for Mater, $2,200 @ The Future Perfect
The Danes (I’m a 1/3rd) are always going a little batty for eco products and this one made of old high school gym floorboards is sure to bring back memories of having to climb the rope for some crazy of a gym teacher (we’ve all seen the TV show Coach… don’t lie, you know you did).
Le Deuxieme – Kingpin Bench by CounterEvolution, $1,295 and up @ CounterEV
I don’t know if we ever determined whether bowling was a sport or not but since the professional bowlers wear uncoordinated shirts with their names on them and Kingpin actually made it to the theaters BEFORE it went to DVD, we’ll let this bench, made entirely of recycled bowling alleys, into the mix. Buy it and you won’t strike out. (we’re here all…, never mind, I’m here until I crash out for the night)
Last One – Blackrocks Pub Table by Andy Gregg @ Bike Furniture
Admit it… ever since Armstrong won his 270th Tour de France you can’t resist yelling “Go Lance” every time someone rides by on their Schwinn. At least I do. Look… the table doubles as art, contains parts from what could be your neighbor’s stolen huffy, and was probably rode on (in part) by guys in very very tight short pants with corporate logos and water bottles. And, seriously, what is a sport without guys in short tight pants (oops… gave away the only reason I watch football)?
So there it is. You can take your divorce attorney off speed dial. Don’t worry… I’ll invoice you later.