Here’s a riddle for you.
What is rumored to cost $480,000 , have a conceptual front end that slightly resembles a really bad mechanical shark (or mechanical bull for that matter), and could be the dilution of an already stagnate brand?
If you guessed a pre-owned tract house in Southern California you’d only be partially correct. But if you guessed the resurrection of the Lagonda brand for Aston Martin then I need to award you some brownie points. And yes, you heard right. A rumored price of nearly a half a million dollars. You do realize that is the cost of five supercharged Range Rover Sports.
So a few weeks back I posted a little diatribe on the resurgence of the SUV. No the run of the mill “buy ’em off the lot” SUVs from Ford, Toyota or Chevrolet. But the SUV of the five figure variety. Bentley, Maserati and Lamborghini are all throwing their hats into the ring, introducing vehicles that are certainly no strangers to decades of automotive prowess. I would be all for it so long as each manufacturer took their time to perfect their product rather than sending to the proverbial automotive runway four wheeled art projects so strife with design mis-conceptions that the end result is a bit of steel that only a mother could love. So it was with regret that this morning I stumbled upon a piece of news from the automotive industry – the rumored rebirth of Aston’s failed Lagonda line. As an SUV.
If you’ve watched a James Bond movie of any caliber (be it Connery or Brosnan) you’ve no doubt been affected by the brilliance that is the Aston Martin line up. They offer all of three vehicle types at any one time (the benefits of being super high end and small in stature) with a variety of variants, none of which resemble a big bulky block that is an SUV. Their vehicles are sleek marvels of a technological nature and even Steve (my other half) has been caught drooling over photos in magazines. I’ve got a photo somewhere of him drooling over the real thing. To the detriment of its actual owner.
And when AM introduced the Rapide, I thought to myself… what the hell. At the very least, the Rapide continued the great lines that have come to be known as the AM Vantage, a vehicle that I wouldn’t mind being caught doing 110 in. In fact, I’d probably frame that ticket.
But sadly… their designers, a group of men and women who only know the beauty that is the coupe (and the sedan which looks like a coupe) have put pen to paper (or mouse to desktop) and failed miserably at concocting what can only be described as … well…. ugly. Pikachu called and wants his grin back. And floppy tail. It’s so bad I nearly didn’t post pictures because I wanted to keep the beauty that is my blog intact.
But I’m doing it anyway. Just so you have an excuse to drink away the tears later.
I’ll apologize later.
My advice to Aston? Please put it back in it’s cage. Or take it behind the barn and put it out of its misery. Because if you don’t, your consumer will.
Images via [1, 2, 3]